I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
