I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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