Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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