dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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