so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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