you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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