I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
