Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
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