I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
