Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
