do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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