you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
