She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
