Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I think my moral compass just broke
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
