I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
