I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
