I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
