Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I want to fling myself into the sun
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