..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
