She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
