Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
