The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
