There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
