Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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