You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
