it wasn't lemon gatorade
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
