I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
