He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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