How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
