I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
