Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
