apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
