There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
