well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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