Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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