You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
