Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
