hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
