I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i think my cat just said my name.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
