When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
