my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You ate ashes out of my bong
as a side note pls kill me
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
