i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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