I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
