I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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