FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just had sex on a roof
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
