I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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