just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
