Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
