Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
