ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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