their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
he thought i was a dude.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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