this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
