Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
