community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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