suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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