Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
